Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
