You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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