her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
