so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
