My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
