I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just puked most of my soul out..
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