So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
