Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
