just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
