She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize