then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize