tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
