She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
