Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
