what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We were destined to go to rehab together
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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