Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
