yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
should my penis look like a turkey
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
