She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
