I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
