because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
