Don't make out with my wife yet
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
