I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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