just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have aggressive nipples.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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