Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She announced her abortion via fbk
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
