I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
