so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
