He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
