She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
