I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
