MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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