girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
