why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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