just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
