So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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