the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
