Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
