You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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