Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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