Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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