I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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