O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
