someone threw a dead crab at me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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