Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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