i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
