im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
