My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
