what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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