it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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