no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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