just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize