You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
