I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He felt like a one man threesome
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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