a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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