his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
