She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
