I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
