Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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