Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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