just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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