So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
