I'm really into asian looking animals
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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