Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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