If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
